Free-flowing White House Verse

Sure, there's lots of construction noise, and construction lawsuit noise, and some destruction of construction that was underway but didn't meet the Builder-in-Chief's vision, but even with all of that,  there was still plenty of arguing and yelling and ketchup-squishing noise that made it out into the public realm. 

I won't reveal my sources for this; let's just say they're very well-placed, like a good microphone or something. I might write a book, but first I'd probably need to officially be a reporter for the Fake News, to bump up my viewership.

The (alleged) words of the FOTUS are easily identifiable. Others (allegedly) involved? Secretaries Marco Rubio, Pete Hegseth, and Scott Bessent; Deputy Defense Secretary Steve Feinberg; and yours truly. Let the free verse fly, like the American Flag over Greenland!

Talk Like Nobody's Listening (or yell, if you want)

We need more munitions! The Biden and Obama administrations depleted our reserves!

We need more munitions! The Biden administration gave all our weapons to Ukraine! I will end the war in Ukraine on Day One! I will win the Nobel Prize – maybe two, and Obama only has one!

We're fighting Iran because Israel said they were going in, and if we didn’t go with them, we’d look weak, and the world would be a more dangerous place!

We’re fighting Iran because it is TWO WEEKS AWAY from having ‘the nuclear’ and we can’t let that happen! We are winning the war! We have won the war! We will win the war!  We are winning the war! We are playing 5-D chess; they are playing ‘Fast and Furious’ with the ENTIRE MIDDLE EAST, and we won’t let that happen! The Bored of Peace will act swiftly, on my order to Jared, to end all the hostilities and develop plans for MULTIPLE Gold Coast Rivieras on the Persian Gulf, the Gulf of Oman, the Gulf of America, and the Gulf Station in Winthrop, MA – they are ALL ripe for development!

We need more money from Congress because we are almost out of munitions!

We’re out of munitions because I’ve been ending wars around the globe, including in Gaza, Venezuela, Ukraine, Russia, Lebanon, the FIFA Soccer War, the Mulch War - that was BRUTAL but my Skid Steer of Peace has fixed that – we BURIED the opponent and Four Seasons Total Landscaping was declared the victor, by a pile! – and PakIndiaStan, where my tariffs stopped that war cold! NOBEL! NOBEL! NOBEL!

Holy crap, we have fewer munitions in the stockpile than we have barrels of oil in the strategic reserve – the Biden and Obama administrations were completely irresponsible!

Munitions are flowing in from all over the place to the US, where we do NOT have a munitions shortage!

Hi, Congress? It’s me, Pete - the Secretary of War, Tattoos, and Testosterone... we need way more manly dollars to make way more manly munitions. I'm in trouble here; can you help a guy out?

WE ARE NOT ALMOST OUT OF MUNITIONS – WE HAVE MANY MORE MUNITIONS THAN ANYONE ELSE, MORE MUNITIONS THAN ANY COUNTRY IN HISTORY! ANYONE SAYING WE ARE OUT OF MUNITIONS IS A COMMUNIST TRAITOR WHO DESERVES THE ULTIMATE PENALTY! KASH PATEL IS OFFERING A $50,000 REWARD FOR INFORMATION ON THE WHEREABOUTS OF THESE EVIL AMERICA-HATING DUMOCRATS!

We have directed munitions companies to tell us, within 21 days, how the hell they’re going to start delivering way more munitions way more faster than they ever dreamed they could, and how the hell they’re going to expand manufacturing facilities here in the US and hire American workers to make them, and oh, by the way, you can undocumented workers who will work for way less and save us money so we can afford to pay you for the munitions; we’ll tax the crap out of them, not fine you for hiring them, and deport them after we have the munitions we need to solve the shortage we don't have.

WE DO NOT HAVE A MUNITIONS SHORTAGE! THE REFLECTION POND WAS VANDALIZED! JEANNINE PIRRO FOLDED LIKE A COCKTAIL UMBRELLA! I HAVE ORDERED KASH PATEL TO OFFER A $50,000 REWARD FOR INFORMATION PROVING JEANNINE PIRRO IS A LYING, TRAITOROUS DUMOCRAT!!

We expect the Strait of Hormuz to be fully open by Tuesday or Wednesday of last week, maybe by Friday. I’ll have a market-roiling update for you on the status by yesterday, in time for tomorrow’s market opening. And just like K-cars, the K-shaped economy is over – that should help manipulate things nicely, don’t you think?

FAKE NEWS!!! HER EMAILS!!! RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA!!! IT’S ALL FAKE NEWS! COMEY AND MARK KELLY ARE TRAITORS!!! SLEEPY JOE IS A TRAITOR!!! I WANT MY BALLROOM AND I WANT IT NOW!!!

Breaking Fake News Update (v28)

     FAKE NEWS BROKE ON 5/31/26!

This breaking fake news is pretty straightforward: a petulant child who slapped his name - oh, wait, silly me - a petulant child who appointed a bunch of sycophants who would abide by his wishes and vote unanimously to slap his name on a living memorial to a beloved, if flawed, assassinated former president - was told by a duly-appointed judge that his name doesn't belong there and has to be taken down.

Knowing how little attention the petulant child pays to convention, honor, respect, laws, courts, public service, selflessness, or anyone saying no to his insane er, sorry, 'stably genius' ideas, it's not much of a leap to land on what my highly trusted fake news sources discovered - the ultimate "I told you so!" from said child. 

As always, when fake news breaks, I've got my eyes and ears on the ground for you! 

Breaking Fake News Update (v27)

 Fake News Broke on 11/22/25!

Yep - you read that right: the way to make airline travel is to have people dress up before being crammed into their seats. At least, that's the word from former reality TV star Sean Duffy, our always impeccably-dressed-in-suits-worth-several-months-of-SNAP-benefits Transportation Secretary.

In a video released earlier this week, we see what travel was like in the olden days, compared to what it's like now. And don't get me wrong, the video shows some really heinous behavior by some real jerks. Everyone knows there's more of that kind of behavior now than there was in the distant past Duffy's pining for, and significantly more today than there was before COVID, even if the numbers have dropped. Social media definitely contributes to this - because someone's *always* filming, right? - as does the rude and bullying behavior of others, including politicians like Duffy's boss. After all, if it's good enough for him, it's good enough for the average Joe, right?

Duffy suggests that we're entering a new Golden Age of Travel, which, according to social media responses to his video from folks who fly regularly, is something only a person who rarely flies commercial could say. Is the age of expensive and often cancelled or delayed flights, cramped seats with zero legroom, extra charges for pretty much everything, and yes, airlines defending their practice of up-selling 'window seats' that don't have windows truly 'golden'? 

Duffy apparently thinks it could be, if only people started dressing better and acting better. 

Manners don’t stop at the gate... Let’s bring civility and manners back.

And do that, he suggests, by asking yourself five questions:

1. Are you helping a pregnant woman placing her bags in the overhead bin?
2. Are you dressing with respect?
3. Are you keeping control of your children?
4. Are you saying thank you to your flight attendants?
5. Are you saying please and thank you in general?

And after you do those things and get settled into your flight, don't pay attention to your paralyzed legs, cramped buttocks, sore back, expensive peanuts and beverages, and all the rest. 

Instead, manifest "the things that make travel fun," according to the DOT, which one of our anonymous sources mentions at the end of the BNFU shared above - "the excitement, the relaxation, the cordial conversation..."  

And when you find yourself waiting for your bags, or for your connecting flight, or waiting to rebook your cancelled flight, remember this, also from the DOT: 

Americans already feel divided and stressed. We can all do our part to bring back civility, manners, and common sense. When we can unite around shared values, we can feel more connected as a country. 

That's true, even if that shared value is "I hate airlines!"  Happy traveling!

And as always, when fake news breaks, we'll be here for it!

Breaking Fake News Update (v26)

 Fake News Broke on November 16, 2025!

I have to say, no one is more shocked than I am, seeing two consecutive breaking fake news reports related to professional sports! Last week, it was the NFL's Dynamic Kickoff, and today, it's the NBA All-Star Game? Who had that on their bingo cards for 2025? 

The NBA, for unknown reasons, has decided to totally revamp the format for its mid-season celebration, which will be played during the same time as the Winter Olympics. I'm guessing that might be one reason for the change to the 'USA against the World' team alignment, outlined in the bulletin above. 

I understand from my fake news sources that, if two or more teams end up with the same record after the seven rounds, a draft of the tie-breaker indicates that bonus points will be awarded to the team with the most Americans, but they haven't seen the final plan.

In a 'we thought of everything' move, the league has even devised a way to make sure they can field the teams they want if the voters don't pick enough of the right players. After all, it would be horrible if folks did a little too much America First-ing when they voted. 

If NBA All-Star voting does not result in the selection of 16 U.S. players and eight international players (which can include American players with ties to other countries if necessary), then NBA Commissioner Adam Silver will select additional All-Stars to join either group to reach that minimum.  In that case, at least one team would have more than eight players.

One would hope that they'd do a whole lot of  'splaining on the new process so that they won't have to resort to the backup plan - especially now that there are four fake teams in the mix. And one would hope that the league's betting partners are well-versed on all of the changes so they can adjust their plans accordingly, too.

As always, if fake news is breaking, I've got you covered. And if you have a fake news tip for me, let me know!

Breaking Fake News Update (v25)

 Fake News Broke on November 12, 2015!

Lordy, lordy, what do we have here? More breaking fake news, that's what! 

Yesterday, the FOTUS stepped away from honoring veterans by telling them and their families all kinds of crazy, irrelevant stuff (that's real news I'll address later), and called in to chat with the guys on the Pat McAfee Show. At that time, he expressed his dislike for the kickoff format the NFL has adopted. 

According to the linked article, the president said the change was "demeaning to football" and added that he doesn't think it makes things any safer. 

I mean you still have guys crashing into each other. And it’s the opposite of what the game… the ball is in the air and nobody is moving. It’s supposed to be when the ball is in the air, when the ball is played, you’re supposed to be moving.

My favorite part of his remarks? The part he left unsaid.

I don’t want to say what it reminds me of because I’ll get myself into big trouble but it is not football.

What on earth does it remind him of? Why will saying whatever that is get him in big trouble? If saying that avoiding STDs during the 70s was his personal Vietnam War, and saying he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and not lose any votes, and cheating on all his wives didn't get him in trouble, what on earth is he worried about? 

I can't wait to hear the results of the MAHA leather helmet study - I'm dyeing to hear what the hairdressers comb up with! 

As always, when fake news breaks, I'll have it for you here!

Breaking Fake News Update (v24)

 Fake News Broke on November 9, 2025!

What?? Again?? More Fake News??? You Betcha!

ESPN broke a story that the FOTUS was very interested in having his name plastered (gold-plated?) on the new stadium being built for the NFL's Washington Commanders, and that supposedly there's interest among the ownership team in making our Narcissist-in-Chief's dream come true.  According to the ESPN article,

"That would be a beautiful name, as it was President Trump who made the rebuilding of the new stadium possible," White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt told ESPN on Friday night via email.

That's so cute, saying it was the FOTUS who made this happen, especially since that's not really what happened after all.

In April, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser and Harris announced that the Commanders' new stadium would be built in Washington.

In July, Trump said he would block the construction of the stadium if Harris did not change the team name from Commanders to its old name the Redskins, which is considered offensive to some Native American groups. Former owner Dan Snyder had stripped the name from the team in 2020, and for two years it was called the Washington Football Team before Snyder dubbed the team the Commanders. Some fans have called for the new ownership group to restore the original nickname.

I guess we're not supposed to notice that he would kill the project if his demands weren't met? Or, is that what passes for 'making something happen' in DC these days? 

On Sept. 17, the D.C. Council voted 11-2 to approve the RFK Stadium Project. The Commanders will invest $2.7 billion -- and pay for all cost overruns -- to build the 65,000-seat stadium that sits on a 174-acre parcel 2 miles from the U.S. Capitol. The district, which will chip in $1 billion, will lease the stadium to the team. The Commanders stadium project will include housing developments, a sports complex and retail shops -- "the largest economic development project in D.C. history," Bowser called it.

And, I guess we're not supposed to notice no mention of his name in the approvals paragraph?  But that's not stopping anyone, it seems. Again, from the linked ESPN article,

The source with knowledge of Trump's wishes said the president doesn't want to buy the name or have a deep-pocketed corporate sponsor buy the name for him. He wants the Commanders' stadium to be named after him, similar to Lambeau Field, as a tribute or thank you for his work to get it approved, sources said.

Anyway, we know that there's a move afoot to rename the Kennedy Center to honor him, with Rep. Bob Onder (R-MAGA) submitting a bill to do that, even though

a 1983 law specifies that “no additional memorials or plaques in the nature of memorials shall be designated or installed in the public areas of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.”

And there's the Trump Gold Card for wealthy immigrants, Trump Rx for cheap drugs, the F-47 fighter jet he named after himself - and we can pretty much be sure that the new dance hall at the White House will bear his name.  So why not a stadium? Why not a park bench? Why not a church pew, or a street, or a document storage facility? 

The opportunities are endless, and an Executive Order is just the way to ensure that our pain at seeing his name everywhere will be equally so.

As always, when fake news breaks, my sources are the best, and we'll have it for you here!

Breaking Fake News Update (v23)

 Fake News Broke on October 9, 2025!

You heard it here first, folks: we've got more breaking fake news! 

If you've been paying attention, or even if you've been trying *not* to pay attention, it's hard to ignore the uproar over the NFL choosing Bad Bunny to headline the Super Bowl halftime show next year. Other than complaining about the officiating, particularly the entire team of refs being on the side of Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs, it's been a long time since the NFL was the focus of this much attention. 

Oh sure, folks are up in arms about the league's push to 'internationalize' what we call football - it's hard for some to have wings and beers for breakfast on a Sunday morning, after all - and about the 'sissification' of the league (especially kickoffs!!!) and the new 'safety' penalties that take all the joy out of the game according to he-men warrior-athletes like the FOTUS. 

House Speaker MAGA Mike Johnson (R-Ighteous Indignation) is the first person I saw who floated Lee Greenwood as an alternative to the Puerto Rican rapper, but I'm sure his name has been mentioned in MAGA circles quite a bit. Here's what Johnson had to say about the official choice, and his preference, starting with Bunny. 

Well, it sounds like he's not someone who appeals to a broader audience. And I think there's so many eyes on the Super Bowl. A lot of young, impressionable children. And I think, in my view, you would have Lee Greenwood or role models, doing that. Not somebody like this. 

Um, audience appeal? Really, Missing Speaker? Take a look at these stats for Bad Bunny: 

And what does Greenwood think about all of this? Here's what the NY Post reports:

I agree with Speaker Johnson. I would make a great performer for any Super Bowl show.

It's good that Greenwood said he'd take up the white right patriotic fight, but I have to wonder about some of his (very obviously) fake terms for performing. I mean, seriously? ICE agents arresting anyone who doesn't stand for the anthem??  If I were a betting kinda gal, I'd keep my money on the Bunny.

As always, if there's fake news, we'll break it for you!

Breaking Fake News Update (v22)

Fake News Broke on October 1, 2025! 

If you followed the reporting yesterday, you'll understand how this one practically wrote itself.  But let's dive in, just in case some folks haven't gotten up to speed on yesterday's hastily called, in-person gathering of military leadership in Quantico, Virginia.

Real news broke last week that the meeting would happen, and earlier this week, news leaked that it was basically going to be a pep talk, one of those dreaded teambuilding off-sites. And after that, news broke that FOTUS was also going to attend, which brought it down to a whole nother level. 

Anything in quotes in the fake news update are Hegseth's words; the rest, of course, are mine. There were lots of words, and lots of attempts to embarrass the leadership of the military, and lots of complaints about Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, and how we had to get rid of folks who are in place because of what they are, instead of based on merit, like he and the rest of the folks from the Fox News network were.  

 I also incorporated some of the rambling, sloppy political rally garbage offered by the FOTUS; it was he who suggested, after complaining about both President Obama and President Biden, and the media, and talking about the wars he's won, and telling folks how to walk down stairs, that our military could be deployed for training in American cities, to fight the enemy within. I did not make that part up. 

Was everything Hegesth said ridiculous? No, it wasn't. Could this have been an email? Yes, it could have, but then no one would have seen Hegseth parading in front of a giant flag, exhorting the troops, and no one would have seen him at the end, waiting for applause that never came. 

Should FOTUS have been there at all? Of course not, because he simply cannot do anything other than a rally, whether it's a Cabinet meeting, a meeting with a foreign leader, a speech to the United Nations, NATO, or any other gathering.  He, too, lamented the lack of applause, I guess thinking that these folks who are obligated not to participate in partisan political garbage would ignore that because they were in his presence. Good for them for not falling for it.

As always, when fake news breaks, we'll be on the case!

Breaking Fake News Update (v21)

Fake News Broke on September 22, 2025!

What's up with this bit of fake news?  Let's dive in.

You may recall hearing about companies making 'contibutions' to the FOTUSential library, after entering into 'discussions' or 'settlements' or 'negotations' with the government to resolve 'issues' impacting the firms. In case you don't remember who paid what, here's a refresher:

• ABC: $15,000,000;
• Paramount Global:$16, 000,000; 
• Meta: $22,000,000; and
• X, formerly known as Twitter: $10,000,000, some for legal fees and some for the libary.

And, of course, ABC's back in the news on the extortion front, after Nexstar Media Group and Sinclair Broadcasting, two of the biggest carriers of the network and its nighttime flagship show, Jimmy Kimmel Live, reacted to the backlash following Kimmel's alleged 'celebratory' comments after the murder of Charlie Kirk. 

Kimmel was suspended 'indefinitely,' (although real news is breaking that he'll be back on the air tomorrow), and during the time he was off, People.com reported that Kimmel had been given a "list of demands" from Sinclair, including that he

issue an apology to Kirk's family and make a "meaningful personal donation" to Kirk's family and Kirk's nonprofit, Turning Point USA.

So, there's that part of the fake news. Next up? Eric Trump, who has been noodling around about possibly running to replace his father in the White House. The linked Guardian article mentions an interview Trump did, in which he said

The real question is: 'Do you want to drag other members of your family into it?... You know, if the answer was yes, I think the political path would be an easy one, meaning I think I could do it.

He apparently hasn't made up his mind, but we'll hear more from him on his decision-making process, I'm sure, over the coming weeks and months.   

And, we'll hear much more from Erika Kirk as well, after she was tapped to lead TPUSA, as her husband wanted, and, in a moving social media post shortly after her husband's death said

They have no idea what they just ignited within this weife. If they thought my husband's mission was big now... you have no idea. 

She's vowed to continue he campus campaign, engaging and recruiting young conservatives into the movement. She will be, I'm sure, a force to be reckoned with - and more of a forc thatn Eric Trump ever dreamed of being. 

And that leaves us Brendan Carr, Trump's FCC head, Like others in the administration, he'll do anything to help his boss, including extorting companies with business before the FCC.  For those companies, including Nextstar, which is working on a $6.2B merger with TEGNA, Carr had this message: 

We can do this the easy way or the hard way. These companies can find ways to change conduct and take action, frankly, on Kimmel, or there's going to be additional work for the FCC ahead.

Seems pretty clear the administration is going to continue to be hands on with everyone, and will be putting a thumb or two on the scales to make sure that there's funding available for pet interests the FOTUS is interested in.

As always, we'll be keeping an eye out for fake news like this, and if it breaks, we'll bring it to you here. 

Breaking Fake News Update (v20)

Fake News Broke on September 19, 2025!

It seems we're going to be in for a continuing bumpy ride with the Bureau of Labor Statistics reporting in the coming weeks or months. Well, truth be told, it's already a bumpy ride there, as the FOTUS told us the numbers we'd received this week were bad and he fired a BLS official, or the fault of the Federal Reserve, and that we have to wait a year for the good numbers. And now, we have new concerns that have led to today's fake news update.

Since the shocking murder of Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk - just the latest episode of political violence in the US - there's been a concerted effort on the part of the FOTUS and his administration (JD Vance, Stephen Miller, Marco Rubio, Pam Bondi, and others), Republican elected officials, talking heads (including Miller's wife), and just regular Joes to root out so-called 'haters' of Kirk and 'celebrators' of his murder, and get them fired for comments they made primarily, but not exclusively, on their personal social media pages. 

Between the folks doing the doxxing and those getting doxxed, there's lots of lost productivity, fewer people in the workforce, and a potential for the unemployment rate to increase.

Educators, reporters, editors, analysts, moms and dads, government employees, employees of private companies, comedians, medical professionals - pretty much across the board, folks are being doxxed and blasted for ALLEGEDLY making negative comments. Some clearly did, according to reports. But others? Not so much. People are being investigated, disciplined, or fired simply for quoting Charlie Kirk's own words. A favorite? His comment about some gun deaths being OK to protect the Second Amendment.

And it goes further than that - tourists may be refused entry to the US; a Congressman has suggested anyone who speaks ill of Kirk's death be banned from all social media platforms, and that media companies can be shut down if they don't comply. 

It's out of control, folks, it truly is. Again, there's no question some people have reacted with joy at Kirk's death, as is their right. Many others, though, have merely expressed an opinion that's not to the liking of the powers-that-be. I have no idea when this will stop; it likely won't until everyone in the universe who is not celebrating the life of Charlie Kirk or mourning his death in a manner deemed appropriate by folks who haven't issued any guidelines on what exactly we're allowed to think or say about this issue.  

Honestly? it's a #goodthingimretiredtheycantgetmefired

Who knows how many will lose their jobs, and who knows what kind of celebration will be hosted at the White House when the scope of this effort is realized? I suspect we won't know that until next year, when the "good numbers" are issued.

In the meantime, when fake news breaks, we'll have it here. 

Breaking Fake News Update (v19)

 Fake News Broke on September 9, 2025!

Are you scratching your head about this latest fake news? If yes, you're not alone! 

First, some background. As reported in a previous BFNU, the White House will be hosting a bigly UFC event as part of the slate of events planned around our nation's 250th birthday. Originally planned for July 4th, the Wall Street Journal reported (not fakely) that the event has been moved up a week, to late June. This was disappointing to the FOTUS, and others, who thought that a birthday beating happening on the actual birthday would be more impressive and more illustrative of our 'warrior mentality' and BDE, or whatever you call what Secretary of War Pete Hegseth thinks he exudes. 

Dana White, the UFC guy, said that things will still be hugely celebrated, with weigh-ins at the Lincoln Memorial, and maybe even warm-ups and a walk from the White House to the cage.

Now, what about Bessent?  Well, boy howdy, he's a fighter! From the linked NY Post article, Bessent got into a heated verbal altercation with Bill Pulte, who leads the Federal Housing Finance Agency

Two sources say that Bessent, 63, threatened to beat up Pulte, 37, for allegedly trash-talking him to President Trump.

At one point, the Treasury chief lashed out at Pulte, saying: “Why the f— are you talking to the president about me? F— you.”

And, from The Hill, 

When the club’s co-owner sought to intervene, Bessent reportedly said to him, “It’s either me or him. … You tell me who’s getting the f‑‑‑ out of here.”

There was more, but you get the drift. It seems Bessent also hit Elon Musk, the Artful DOGEr.

I don't know about you, but that sounds exactly like the kind of nonsense folks are used to seeing in the lead-up to UFC battlers, so it seems like a perfect fit. 

And, I think it sets a high bar for RFK Jr, who's had a very combative few days in hearings on the hill. I'm sure he could rise to the occasion, and if not, maybe Hegseth will step up?

As always, if there's fake news breaking, we've got you covered!

Breaking Fake News Update (v18)

 Fake News Broke on September 7,2025

So, what's going on here? Do we really need to tariff chalk at the same level as drug prices are allegedly coming down?  You bet we do!

Florida cities are busy trying to remove all of their 'street art,' in an effort to satisfy both Department of Transportation Secretary Sean 'Lumberjack' Duffy and their Gov. Ron DeSantis. 

Sidewalk art, such as that in Orlando remembering those lost at the Pulse nightclub anti-LBGTQ mass shooting, a memorial to a high school student, and even one supporting police, were scrubbed out last month, some of them several times, as passionate citizens kept recoloring them.

At least for a while, and maybe still, law enforcement officers were 'guarding' the sidewalks, keeping their communities safe from the dastardly threat of rainbow colors, which have been deemed more distracting than, say, 

• touch screens in cars that are larger than my television, or
• this Florida Man's car, or 
• any of the rolling rallies that have been held for 45/FOTUS over the years, and even
• seeing our National Guard troops fighting landscaping crime in DC.

Somehow, the smaller, leaner, more efficient federal government that everyone likes to say they voted for seems to enjoy being knee-deep in the weeds, and, of course, threatening everyone that they'll lose their taxpayer funding if they don't toe the FOTUS line.

That last part? Not fake news, as we've seen. But rest assured, if there's fake news to report, we'll be on it!

Breaking Fake News Update (v17)

 Fake News Broke on August 30, 2025!

What's up with this particular bit of fake news, you ask? 

Well, it's me, fully embracing the Administration's move to 'classicalify' America, which he's been expressing for a while through Executive Orders. 

First, there was one issued on Inauguration Day, requiring recommendations to "advance the policy that Federal public buildings should be visually identifiable as civic buildings and respect regional, traditional, and classical architectural heritage in order to uplift and beautify public spaces and ennoble the United States and our system of self-government."

And, there's the MFABA order (Making Federal Architecture Beautiful Again) issued on August 28th, which requires new federal buildings to be built

in a way that “uplifts and beautifies public spaces” and “commands respect from the general public.”

The same article quotes Justin Shubow, president of the National Civic Art Society, who noted, “Classical public architecture is time-honored, timeless, and the mode most associated with our national values and a form of government is quite simply, the architecture of American democracy.”

Clearly, then, having male visitors to the White House dress as the Founding Fathers did is the best way to illustrate 'the mode most associated with our national values and form of government, right? And the portrayal of the women in classical sculpture is the closest I can think of that approximates the MAGA male's vision of the ideal woman... 

I mean, obviously, Hillary Clinton-style pant suits don't "uplift and beautify" public spaces or "command respect from the general public," do they? And certainly, suitless visitors (I'm talking about you, Vlodomyr Zelenskyy!) and tie-less, stupid-red-hat-wearing officials (I'm talking about you, FOTUS!) don't command respect from us, do they?

Now that I think about it, the creation of the Goldoval Office, the paved lawn in the Rose Garden, the comical Mar-a-lago umbrellas and fast-food-restaurant tables there, and the $200M ballroom aren't doing much to help, either. I hope we still have time to quash that last one, at least, in keeping with the EO. 

As always, when fake news breaks, we'll be here to cover it.

Breaking Fake News Update (v16)

 Fake News Broke on August 28, 2025!

Is there any surprise that we're using the National Guard not only for law enforcement, but also for mundane tasks that would normally be performed by municipal or federal employees? 

• There certainly shouldn't be, given that the National Parks Service, which used to take care of some of these tasks, now has a three or four hands full of employees in DC, compared to a couple of hundred pre-DOGE and pre-One Big Beautiful Bill Act. 
• There certainly shouldn't be, given that DC has seen federal funding slashed by Congress and the administration. 
• There certainly shouldn't be - after all, even FOTUS declared that crime was down 25% in DC this year alone, so no one should be shocked that there isn't a lot for the Guard members from DC and the red states of Ohio, Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, West Virginia, and South Carolina that gleefully ignore high crime in their own states to stand with FOTUS and start Making Restaurants Safe Again for lobbyists, lawyers and politicians. (Are those distinctions without differences?)

I would think, though, that seeing camo-wearing folks with weapons mulching flowers, picking up trash, and loitering in Union Station would be quite the thing in the US capital, wouldn't you agree?

As always, when fake news breaks, we'll be sure to keep you informed. 

Breaking Fake News Update (v15)

 Fake News Broke on August 24, 2025!

It's always fun when the government tries to cater to every potential voting bloc, isn't it? And let me tell you, the aging hippie/young stoner demographic is ripe for the picking.

The White House is actually considering reclassifying pot; it's currently a Schedule 1 drug, allegedly having a high potential for abuse and no currently accepted medical uses; basically, it's the same as heroin and LSD. Reclassifying it makes some sense, given that 40 states are OK with it being used medicinally, and 24 are OK with it being used recreationally. 

Weave that discussion with FOTUS wanting to make DC's grass more beautiful - something the warfighters deployed in the Capital must have been eager to hear - and you've got some really potent fake news. 

We'll keep an eye out for more of this stuff,  news, and promise not to bogart it.

Breaking Fake News Update (v14)

Fake News Broke on August 22, 2025! 

Can you imagine 25,000 spectators at a UFC event at the White House? Can you imagine a weirder way to celebrate our 250th birthday? Those things are real, I can assure you.

And can you think of anyone other than Kristi Noem that would step up so eagerly to help complete the mission? That part is fake, at least so far. We got out in front with the fake news so fast, we may have to wait a little longer for the real news to catch up!

As always, if there's fake news, we'll be all over it.

Breaking Fake News Update (v13)

Fake News Broke on August 21, 2025!

This one flew out of the fake news studio after FOTUS declared that we need to focus on the best of our history and our greatness (see BNFU v8 for background), instead of on bad things. 

Linda McMahon, who's had some experience wrestling with tough situations, jumped up to lead the charge, and was able to incorporate private schools and AOne - two of her favorite things - into the mix.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is how a good Cabinet Secretary does things.

As always, we'll continue sharing fake news as it breaks. 

Breaking Fake News Update (v12)

 Fake News Broke on August 20, 2025!

This fake news broke after a video of President Zelenskyy's reactions to the FOTUS, who babbled on and on about his federal occupation of our nation's capital, went viral.

Only an idiot would sit next to a commander-in-chief whose country is actively engaged in an over three-year battle with an aggressor nation and pretend that there's no place on earth more dangerous than Washington, DC. 

Sadly - and I sure wish this was fake news - that idiot is our idiot, much to our embarrassment.

We'll cover more fake news as it breaks - and you can be sure it will.

Breaking Fake News Update (v11)

 Fake News Broke on August 19, 2025!

This was fun fake news to cook up, for sure: toss in a little bit of DOGE (remember DOGE? Where are our DOGE checks, by the way?), a teaspoon or so of crime (who doesn't love to talk about crime?), a cup or two of election fraud (every MAGA Republican has lived through a fraudulent election - just ask one), a heaping tablespoon of a geriatric Democratic demon, a dash of American warfighters (!!!), and a pinch of accounting, and you've got a blue-ribbon recipe, for sure!

And yes, FOTUS did say when *he* votes, he gets asked for his license plate - that part is not a figment of my imagination.

As always, when fake news is breaking, we'll be shaking things up and keeping you informed.

Breaking Fake News Update (v10)

 Fake News Broke on August 17, 2025!

This news broke after what looked to be a 'summit about nothing,' when Vladimir Putin and FOTUS appeared after their shortened meetings at what was thought to be a press conference, but turned out to be the two of them talking about how they didn't accomplish anything and how much of nothing was accomplished (and maybe they'll meet in Moscow next time, said the English-speaking dictator!). 

After the summit, it was announced that Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Ukraine's president, would be returning to the Goldoval Office to meet with FOTUS. We soon learned several European leaders would be joining him, in a show of solidarity after the American dropped his demand for a ceasefire in the war, something he had long said was necessary. 

It was also a show of solidarity after the Ukrainian's last meeting deteriorated when the children in the room took control. FOTUS barked about who was holding the cards, JD Vance demanded to know why Zelenskyy had never said 'thank you' to his boss (a man he said could be America's Hitler), and a moronic reporter chastised him for not wearing a suit. 

Well, he came prepared this time, Zelenskyy did. He showed them! He had the suit, he had the cards, and he gave FOTUS a medal - that's a foreign policy trifecta right there!

There'll be more fake news, and we'll have it for you.