Free-flowing White House Verse

Sure, there's lots of construction noise, and construction lawsuit noise, and some destruction of construction that was underway but didn't meet the Builder-in-Chief's vision, but even with all of that,  there was still plenty of arguing and yelling and ketchup-squishing noise that made it out into the public realm. 

I won't reveal my sources for this; let's just say they're very well-placed, like a good microphone or something. I might write a book, but first I'd probably need to officially be a reporter for the Fake News, to bump up my viewership.

The (alleged) words of the FOTUS are easily identifiable. Others (allegedly) involved? Secretaries Marco Rubio, Pete Hegseth, and Scott Bessent; Deputy Defense Secretary Steve Feinberg; and yours truly. Let the free verse fly, like the American Flag over Greenland!

Talk Like Nobody's Listening (or yell, if you want)

We need more munitions! The Biden and Obama administrations depleted our reserves!

We need more munitions! The Biden administration gave all our weapons to Ukraine! I will end the war in Ukraine on Day One! I will win the Nobel Prize – maybe two, and Obama only has one!

We're fighting Iran because Israel said they were going in, and if we didn’t go with them, we’d look weak, and the world would be a more dangerous place!

We’re fighting Iran because it is TWO WEEKS AWAY from having ‘the nuclear’ and we can’t let that happen! We are winning the war! We have won the war! We will win the war!  We are winning the war! We are playing 5-D chess; they are playing ‘Fast and Furious’ with the ENTIRE MIDDLE EAST, and we won’t let that happen! The Bored of Peace will act swiftly, on my order to Jared, to end all the hostilities and develop plans for MULTIPLE Gold Coast Rivieras on the Persian Gulf, the Gulf of Oman, the Gulf of America, and the Gulf Station in Winthrop, MA – they are ALL ripe for development!

We need more money from Congress because we are almost out of munitions!

We’re out of munitions because I’ve been ending wars around the globe, including in Gaza, Venezuela, Ukraine, Russia, Lebanon, the FIFA Soccer War, the Mulch War - that was BRUTAL but my Skid Steer of Peace has fixed that – we BURIED the opponent and Four Seasons Total Landscaping was declared the victor, by a pile! – and PakIndiaStan, where my tariffs stopped that war cold! NOBEL! NOBEL! NOBEL!

Holy crap, we have fewer munitions in the stockpile than we have barrels of oil in the strategic reserve – the Biden and Obama administrations were completely irresponsible!

Munitions are flowing in from all over the place to the US, where we do NOT have a munitions shortage!

Hi, Congress? It’s me, Pete - the Secretary of War, Tattoos, and Testosterone... we need way more manly dollars to make way more manly munitions. I'm in trouble here; can you help a guy out?

WE ARE NOT ALMOST OUT OF MUNITIONS – WE HAVE MANY MORE MUNITIONS THAN ANYONE ELSE, MORE MUNITIONS THAN ANY COUNTRY IN HISTORY! ANYONE SAYING WE ARE OUT OF MUNITIONS IS A COMMUNIST TRAITOR WHO DESERVES THE ULTIMATE PENALTY! KASH PATEL IS OFFERING A $50,000 REWARD FOR INFORMATION ON THE WHEREABOUTS OF THESE EVIL AMERICA-HATING DUMOCRATS!

We have directed munitions companies to tell us, within 21 days, how the hell they’re going to start delivering way more munitions way more faster than they ever dreamed they could, and how the hell they’re going to expand manufacturing facilities here in the US and hire American workers to make them, and oh, by the way, you can undocumented workers who will work for way less and save us money so we can afford to pay you for the munitions; we’ll tax the crap out of them, not fine you for hiring them, and deport them after we have the munitions we need to solve the shortage we don't have.

WE DO NOT HAVE A MUNITIONS SHORTAGE! THE REFLECTION POND WAS VANDALIZED! JEANNINE PIRRO FOLDED LIKE A COCKTAIL UMBRELLA! I HAVE ORDERED KASH PATEL TO OFFER A $50,000 REWARD FOR INFORMATION PROVING JEANNINE PIRRO IS A LYING, TRAITOROUS DUMOCRAT!!

We expect the Strait of Hormuz to be fully open by Tuesday or Wednesday of last week, maybe by Friday. I’ll have a market-roiling update for you on the status by yesterday, in time for tomorrow’s market opening. And just like K-cars, the K-shaped economy is over – that should help manipulate things nicely, don’t you think?

FAKE NEWS!!! HER EMAILS!!! RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA!!! IT’S ALL FAKE NEWS! COMEY AND MARK KELLY ARE TRAITORS!!! SLEEPY JOE IS A TRAITOR!!! I WANT MY BALLROOM AND I WANT IT NOW!!!

Wondering on Wednesday 5/13/26

 

What's on my wondering mind tonight? Here's a sampling:

The Trump International Hotel and Tower planned for Australia's Gold Coast is a no-go, according to multiple sources. What happened to the ~$1.09B deal depends on who you ask. The Aussie developer is blaming the 'toxicity' of the Trump name, while folks who bear that name are saying the developer didn't meet the contract terms. 

Both things seem plausible, and I wonder how many other projects tentatively on the docket might not go forward? The FOTUS (yeah, I know, 'he's not involved in day-to-day operations of the company,' or so they say) continues to display progressively more petulant, aggressive, and narcissistic tendencies, and I suspect there's a point at which some folks will pull a Nike and just say no...

Speaking of the FOTUS and his tendencies, I have to wonder if anyone in his administration is supposed to be playing the role of the adult in the room? Someone really should be, given this recap of his social media activity in the hours before he was to leave for China. Some of his posts were just plain crazy, like one from a fake JFK Jr. account about Barack Obama bugging Trump Tower, apparently not realizing, or caring, that Kennedy died several years before Obama's rise to national prominence. Others? Obama made $120M off the Obamacare name; Sen. Mark Kelly must resign; he own team is not doing enough to punish his enemies, and more. 

Speaking of his China trip, among his entourage are a trillion dollars' worth of CEOs, a trio of Cabinet Secretaries (Rubio, Hegseth, and Bessent), Eric and Lara Trump, and Brett Ratner, the guy who directed the Melania movie, who was accused in 2017 by multiple women of sexual harassment. I don't know about you, but I can't help wondering what value Ratner will bring to the trip. Maybe it's just a chance for him to pitch a movie to China's first lady?

What else... Oh, how could I forget? The FOTUS, you'll remember, sued the Internal Revenue Service for $10B (that's two-thirds of the agency's total budget!) because it failed to protect his privacy when years of his tax returns were stolen, and juicy parts were published, like the fact that for several years, he paid no federal income tax. Last month, the judge in the case raised concerns about how 'adversarial' the parties are, given that the president pretty much controls the whole show. With briefs due on May 20th and a hearing scheduled for May 27th, there are reportedly discussions about settling the case before the judge's concerns are even addressed. Shocking, I know.

Among the options allegedly being tossed around? Dropping the audits against Trump, his sons, and his companies...the same audits that 'prevented' him from disclosing his taxes to the American people, as most major-party candidates have done for the past several decades. Now, if you're wondering what I'm wondering about on this one, it's this: would the FOTUS accept just the dropping of the audits, or would he demand a financial payment, too? If he demanded a payment, would he donate it to charity, as he's promised all along, or would he pocket it along with all the other money he's grifting from us? 

Drop a comment if there's something you're wondering about; there's always more than I can fit into a single post.

Breaking Fake News Update (v19)

 Fake News Broke on September 9, 2025!

Are you scratching your head about this latest fake news? If yes, you're not alone! 

First, some background. As reported in a previous BFNU, the White House will be hosting a bigly UFC event as part of the slate of events planned around our nation's 250th birthday. Originally planned for July 4th, the Wall Street Journal reported (not fakely) that the event has been moved up a week, to late June. This was disappointing to the FOTUS, and others, who thought that a birthday beating happening on the actual birthday would be more impressive and more illustrative of our 'warrior mentality' and BDE, or whatever you call what Secretary of War Pete Hegseth thinks he exudes. 

Dana White, the UFC guy, said that things will still be hugely celebrated, with weigh-ins at the Lincoln Memorial, and maybe even warm-ups and a walk from the White House to the cage.

Now, what about Bessent?  Well, boy howdy, he's a fighter! From the linked NY Post article, Bessent got into a heated verbal altercation with Bill Pulte, who leads the Federal Housing Finance Agency

Two sources say that Bessent, 63, threatened to beat up Pulte, 37, for allegedly trash-talking him to President Trump.

At one point, the Treasury chief lashed out at Pulte, saying: “Why the f— are you talking to the president about me? F— you.”

And, from The Hill, 

When the club’s co-owner sought to intervene, Bessent reportedly said to him, “It’s either me or him. … You tell me who’s getting the f‑‑‑ out of here.”

There was more, but you get the drift. It seems Bessent also hit Elon Musk, the Artful DOGEr.

I don't know about you, but that sounds exactly like the kind of nonsense folks are used to seeing in the lead-up to UFC battlers, so it seems like a perfect fit. 

And, I think it sets a high bar for RFK Jr, who's had a very combative few days in hearings on the hill. I'm sure he could rise to the occasion, and if not, maybe Hegseth will step up?

As always, if there's fake news breaking, we've got you covered!