Sure, there's lots of construction noise, and construction lawsuit noise, and some destruction of construction that was underway but didn't meet the Builder-in-Chief's vision, but even with all of that, there was still plenty of arguing and yelling and ketchup-squishing noise that made it out into the public realm.
I won't reveal my sources for this; let's just say they're very well-placed, like a good microphone or something. I might write a book, but first I'd probably need to officially be a reporter for the Fake News, to bump up my viewership.
The (alleged) words of the FOTUS are easily identifiable. Others (allegedly) involved? Secretaries Marco Rubio, Pete Hegseth, and Scott Bessent; Deputy Defense Secretary Steve Feinberg; and yours truly. Let the free verse fly, like the American Flag over Greenland!
Talk Like Nobody's Listening (or yell, if you want)
We need more munitions! The Biden and Obama administrations
depleted our reserves!
We need more munitions! The Biden administration gave all
our weapons to Ukraine! I will end the war in Ukraine on Day One! I will win
the Nobel Prize – maybe two, and Obama only has one!
We're fighting Iran because Israel said they were going in,
and if we didn’t go with them, we’d look weak, and the world would be a more dangerous
place!
We’re fighting Iran because it is TWO WEEKS AWAY from having
‘the nuclear’ and we can’t let that happen! We are winning the war! We have won
the war! We will win the war! We are
winning the war! We are playing 5-D chess; they are playing ‘Fast and Furious’
with the ENTIRE MIDDLE EAST, and we won’t let that happen! The Bored of Peace
will act swiftly, on my order to Jared, to end all the hostilities and develop
plans for MULTIPLE Gold Coast Rivieras on the Persian Gulf, the Gulf of Oman, the
Gulf of America, and the Gulf Station in Winthrop, MA – they are ALL ripe for
development!
We need more money from Congress because we are almost out of munitions!
We’re out of munitions because I’ve been ending wars around
the globe, including in Gaza, Venezuela, Ukraine, Russia, Lebanon, the FIFA Soccer
War, the Mulch War - that was BRUTAL but my Skid Steer of Peace has fixed that – we
BURIED the opponent and Four Seasons Total Landscaping was declared the victor,
by a pile! – and PakIndiaStan, where my tariffs stopped that war cold! NOBEL!
NOBEL! NOBEL!
Holy crap, we have fewer munitions in the stockpile than we have barrels of oil in the strategic reserve – the Biden and Obama administrations were completely irresponsible!
Munitions are flowing in from all over the place to the US, where we do NOT have a munitions shortage!
Hi, Congress? It’s me, Pete - the Secretary of War, Tattoos, and Testosterone... we need way more manly dollars to make way more manly munitions. I'm in trouble here; can you help a guy out?
WE ARE NOT ALMOST OUT OF MUNITIONS – WE HAVE MANY MORE
MUNITIONS THAN ANYONE ELSE, MORE MUNITIONS THAN ANY COUNTRY IN HISTORY! ANYONE
SAYING WE ARE OUT OF MUNITIONS IS A COMMUNIST TRAITOR WHO DESERVES THE ULTIMATE
PENALTY! KASH PATEL IS OFFERING A $50,000 REWARD FOR INFORMATION ON THE WHEREABOUTS
OF THESE EVIL AMERICA-HATING DUMOCRATS!
We have directed munitions companies to tell us, within 21 days, how the hell they’re going to start delivering way more munitions way more faster than they ever dreamed they could, and how the hell they’re going to expand manufacturing facilities here in the US and hire American workers to make them, and oh, by the way, you can undocumented workers who will work for way less and save us money so we can afford to pay you for the munitions; we’ll tax the crap out of them, not fine you for hiring them, and deport them after we have the munitions we need to solve the shortage we don't have.
WE DO NOT HAVE A MUNITIONS SHORTAGE! THE REFLECTION POND WAS
VANDALIZED! JEANNINE PIRRO FOLDED LIKE A COCKTAIL UMBRELLA! I HAVE ORDERED KASH
PATEL TO OFFER A $50,000 REWARD FOR INFORMATION PROVING JEANNINE PIRRO IS A
LYING, TRAITOROUS DUMOCRAT!!
We expect the Strait of Hormuz to be fully open by Tuesday or
Wednesday of last week, maybe by Friday. I’ll have a market-roiling update for
you on the status by yesterday, in time for tomorrow’s market opening. And just
like K-cars, the K-shaped economy is over – that should help manipulate things
nicely, don’t you think?
FAKE NEWS!!! HER EMAILS!!! RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA!!! IT’S ALL FAKE NEWS! COMEY AND MARK KELLY ARE TRAITORS!!! SLEEPY JOE IS A TRAITOR!!! I WANT MY BALLROOM AND I WANT IT NOW!!!
