December 29, 2020

Could Alexa Even Handle the Decorations?

Folks who know me well know I sometimes question the value of all our modern technology. For example, here's an old post where I designed my own robot, one that would actually do meaningful and helpful things, rather than stuff like turning on the oven I'm standing in front of... I remember my now sister-in-law once said that I was like the Unabomber. 

She meant it in the nicest possible way, of course, but I'm still not so much a joiner in some of the tech stuff.  I'm known for chuckling at the ridiculous 'smart' things and the ads trying to convince me I can't live without these devices. This is my current favorite. Not for nothing, but unless there's a robot coming out of the woodwork to get the bowl out of the sink and onto the floor, well... As all pet owners know, the only thing worse than an empty dish is a full one your pet can't reach.

Another sis-in-law, who shares similar feelings about commercials (don't get us started on the perfume ones!), tagged me in a Facebook post (that's it to the right), and while we both laughed, I started thinking about what that would look like at our house - or anyone's house, for that matter. 

I can't imagine just telling her to "take down the Christmas decorations" without any additional instructions. I mean, how would she possibly know what's involved?

Would she know that the cute little boxes stacked so festively on the front stairs are nesting boxes? Would she know she has to take the lids off all of them except the smallest box, then put the smallest one inside the next smallest one, and then put that lid on, and put those two boxes inside the next biggest one, and then put that lid on, and then put those three boxes inside the last box, the biggest one, and put that lid on? And then put the box of boxes into the tote labelled Boxes and Pictures, which is downstairs in the Christmas room? 

Would she know to get to the Christmas room by going from the foyer to the dining room to the kitchen to the back door (not to be confused with the back porch door), and down the stairs, then cross the basement heading towards the front of the house, and if she runs into the bikes hanging on the rack, she's gone just a step or two too far? 

And that before she puts anything in the Christmas room, she's going to have to take out a bunch of trees and decorations that we didn't put up this COVID Christmas?

Would she know the framed pieces of some of our favorite wrapping paper hanging on the wall need to come down? And that they, too, go in the Boxes and Pictures tote in the Christmas room?  And that there's a difference between a framed piece of wrapping paper and the picture of me and My Sweet Baboo?

And the Santas? OMG, my Santas! 

Does she know the difference between cast iron, glass, ceramic, resin, metal, wood, and felt? Which need to be on the bottom of the tote, and which on top? Would she know that the tall skinny wooden Santas need to have rubber bands put on them, before being wrapped in bubble wrap and tied with ribbon, so their arms don't flail about and possibly break off? Does she know those don't go in a tote, but instead are placed gently on a shelf? That all of the motion-Santa bases get wrapped together, to make it easier for me to find them next year?

The cast iron ones? They get wrapped in newspaper and put in a tote, sure - but would she know that it doesn't go in the Christmas room, it goes in the closet under the stairs? 

Or that the smallest of the Santas, and the flattest of them, get wrapped (unless they don't need to be) and they go in a separate box that goes inside one of the Santa totes? 

And if you put the Santa's away 'wrong' you could end up with way too much space, or not enough, in the totes? And if it's too much space, would she try to fill it with other decorations, co-mingling them with the Santas and messing up the system? I did that (once) - is she smart enough not to?

Would she be even remotely curious about the newspapers everything gets wrapped in, some of which are more than a decade old? Would she even look at the articles, or no? And will she know whether to replace the least viable newspapers, or if they'll make it one more Christmas before being recycled? 

And what about the memories? 

Will she smile at each Santa as she gently puts them to bed until next year, remembering which came from where, or who, and why? 

Will she know which of the cast iron ones I got years ago in one of the first booths we visited at a massive antique show, and carried in a knapsack for hours as we wandered around a field of 1,000 dealers? Will she hear My Sweet Baboo cursing my foolishness that day?  

How could she possibly know which was the very first one he gave me, or the most recent? Whether it was from our first Christmas, or our second? The tenth? Twelfth? Does she even know this is our 18th Christmas this year? Could she actually put the decorations away without knowing our history, our Christmas history?

And, will she do this? Is she able to do this, the real work of De-Christmasing
As I put things away, I find myself pulling out the decorations that never left the tubs, the ones that didn't make the cut. Could I have put this ornament on the tree? Could I have put this stocking somewhere? Could the candy cane candles have gone on the sideboard? I spend almost as much time thinking about the ones that didn't get used, and how I had used them last, as I do remembering how much we enjoyed the ones that did.
Thanks, Alexa, but I think I'll take them down myself. Although, if you want, you can take care of the lights...

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