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Other presidents who have attended usually speak for 15, 20, or maybe even 30 minutes, nothing like what GOP strategist Alyssa Farah Griffin described as "what felt like 90 minutes we'll never get back of our lives."
There's so much to unpack, as the punditry likes to say, that I'm breaking it down into bite-sized pieces of poetry. Well, OK, Big Mac-sized bites... giant Diet Coke-sized slurps of verse, if you will. Are you ready?
Karoline
our favorite White House
Press Secretary...who just had her
second child, you and your husband.
She's great. She's done a fantastic job.
We all love her. She's done a fantastic job.
She is another one.
She can be nasty
But sometimes she has no choice, right?
Karoline
may have one of
the hardest jobs...she
has to deal with all of you
all of the time,
and you could be very difficult.
You can be very, very difficult people
but I'm probably being a little bit oversensitive.
Sometimes I really do think
That some of you don't like me
I read a report
I get 93% negative publicity,
93, I said, how the hell
did I win the election
by so much?
Think of it, I
don't think that's true.
I can't believe it's 93.
In the 80s maybe, but
not 93.
But this place
is the, really,
the largest group
of Trump Derangement Syndrome
people. Ever put together
at one time, I suspect. Some
of you are lucky
that our last dinner was cut short
because I brought with me
what would possibly
have been,
I'm telling you,
I had, uh...
I had something
I was gonna go after you.
I was gonna. I feel
so badly doing this.
It's gotta be
such a letdown
Oh yay, yay.
But your lives were really in danger
the last time but for
an opposite reason.
But on the plus side, your
careers were saved and
we have a, uh, we really do.
We have a complete and total,
you know, I love the words
Complete and total
they say, but it means almost
the same thing,
I said, it doesn't matter
when you say it.
It's called emphasis.
It's called emphasis.
But everyone is now
really warming up
the new White House
military center,
drone port,
highly protected
ballroom.
It's, we have
our ballroom.
The windows are this thick.
I said to the people
well, if a bullet hits, what happens?
Nothing. Nothing.
It bounces right off, sir.
This is the greatest bulletproof glass.
I said AK-47,
that's supposed to be a big one.
I don't know so much
about the guns.
My sons know a lot.
But I said
Ah, I know it's big.
What would happen?
They go up, meaning
it could take more.
I said so, if I'm making
a speech and I hear that
pinging sound at a window
what would I do?
Sir, uh, leave the room
right away but
you're gonna be safe.
We're building something that's
gonna be amazing.
And in light of
what we went through
I think, uh, people
understand it.
It's
gonna
be
amazing.
I wonder... what could be more amazing than Part 1? Stick around - you'll have a chance to pick your favorite part when it's done.
