I received the message below first thing Wednesday morning, with the results of Tuesday's election still being digested. While this version highlights New York as the center of the new universe, there are other versions on line, most with California as the leader of the revolution. I'd credit the author, but so far it seems to be an immaculate conception. Enjoy.
Dear Red States:
We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and
we've decided we're leaving.
We in New
York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with
In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii,
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and
especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Opryland.
Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ol'
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax
revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we
get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh
water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh
fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state
dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US
low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and
Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese
Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes,
nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones
University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and
Yosemite, thank you.
38% of those in the Red
states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is
sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that
evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you
crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow
Citizen of the Enlightened
States of America