And the Winners Are...

Here in Central New York, we're familiar with massive piles of snow, which go through cycles of looking pretty, and looking pretty disgusting, like the one shown here.

It's been a while since I've handed out any Dirty Snowpile Awards, given for particularly bad acts on the part of local, state, and federal politicians.

It wasn't for a lack of trying, I assure you. During the Obama years, I attempted to hand some out, but I never managed to get them done during awards season. And, of course, the Trump years were one giant dirty snowpile, from so many perspectives; it seemed silly to single anyone out. 

Tonight, folks are gathering for the Oscars, and I can't think of a better time to get some other well-deserved recognition out there. 

> The We May Never Find the Poop Under this Snowpile award goes to US Attorney General Merrick Garland. Garland moves at a very deliberate pace, it seems, and he's hardly an emphatic speaker. We know things are moving forward on the insurrection, and hate crimes, and such, but sometimes all we know is that things are moving s-l-o-w-l-y. There have been accomplishments, of course, and we know that his goal is to leave no snowpile unturned, at this pace by the time he finds the poop under all that snow, we'll forget which dog left it there. 

> Speaking of poop, former NY Gov. Andrew Cuomo has earned the Just When You Thought Winter Was Over award. Cuomo, as you know, resigned in the face of multiple sexual harassment allegations, for which he offered the Italian defense, and blamed his alleged victims and his political opponents. But now, like snow in April and May, he's back. That's right- the Sonofa Gov is campaigning to get his reputation back, and, if that weren't enough, he's been teasing a return to politics. 

Cuomo meandered back and forth across the ethical aisle for a long time. He was one of the three amigos back in the day; the other two were convicted of crimes. There were the economic development issues, with several people very close to Cuomo charged (and convicted). There were previous allegations of sexual harassment in his  administration; and of course, there was the Moreland Commission mess. 

The bottom line? Cuomo's just one more in a long line of NY pols who've behaved badly and tried to make us think they didn't. And, like late season snow, we don't like it, we don't need it, and we're sick of it. 

> The Does this Snowpile Make My Uterus Look Big award, given collectively to Republicans for their attacks on women and our bodies. Remember their, um, erudite conversations on rape? A few of those are captured here. And, of course, there are the new anti-abortion laws, some of which defy both logic and science. And in their zeal to see Roe v. Wade overturned, they're salivating at the possible end of Griswold v. Connecticut, which afforded privacy protections to married women and their birth control decisions. Considering the Rs are the party of small government and individual freedom, they're sure spending a lot of time trying to control my lady parts.

> The My Snowpile's So Small It Fits on this T-shirt award goes to the thousands of politicians, their advisors, or whoever it is that decided we should have a government of the t-shirt, by the t-shirt and for the t-shirt. You know what I'm talking about, right? Policies and positions that fit on a t-shirt are great; anything else, we don't give a hoot about. And don't forget how those slogans get twisted and turned into opposition missiles, either.

Need some examples? Well, off the top of my head, and in keeping with what we just talked about, My Body My Choice. And these: Make America Great Again; Build Back Better; Back the Blue; Defund the Police; Race to the Top; Read My Lips - No New Taxes; Drill, Baby, Drill; the Green New Deal... There must be a political slogan factory somewhere, I swear - and there are days I want to work there.

Sadly, one of the most important things with all this 'governing by slogan' stuff is that you buy the t-shirt, literally or figuratively.

> My frustration with progressives in the Democratic Party is no secret, so it should come as no surprise that they win the With Friends Like These Who Needs Enemies award. They think nothing of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory; it's never good enough to get something you've been fighting for, if you can't get everything you've been fighting for, and - of course - nothing is more important than what they want. This year, the progressives had a response to their own president's State of the Union address, for Pete's sake. 

> This year's The Couple That Shovels Together Stays Together award goes to the Thomases, Clarence and Ginni. Her work is hers, and his is his, and never the twain shall meet, except when the twain is all twisted up in an ugly ethical hairball, even without those text messages. And don't forget, Clarence has some issues separate from his wife's texts; here's one example; here's another one. 

That's all for this year's awards; I'd love to give out more, but I've got to go out and shovel one last time.