October 3, 2017

OrangeVerse XVII: Puerto Rico

The president held a rally in (oops, my bad) visited hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico today, and boy was he proud of himself. So proud, he made everyone else tell him how wonderful he and his administration are. And then he was bigly very proud. Here he is in his own words.

Trip Advisor? 4 Stars!
Well thank you very much.
It was a
great trip
and a beautiful place.
I've been to Puerto Rico many
times, as I think,
most of you have known.
And I've always loved it.
And your weather
 is second to none but every
once in a while
you get hit. And
you really got hit - 
there's no question
about it.

Suddenly A Category 5 Rang Out
And then all of a sudden
we said there's another one 
heading out 
to Puerto Rico...
but it wasn't one -- it was two!
And I was going to 
be here
a week ago
if you remember
and that was the day 
of the hurricane --
that was the day
of the second
hurricane.
So Brock
has been unbelievable and
this has been
the toughest one.
This has been
a Category 5,
which few people
have ever
even heard of --
a Category 5
hitting land.
But it did
hit land - and 
boy, did it 
hit land.

My People, Tis of Thee
And to all of my people - 
And I have to say
General Buchanan...
there's no doubt about it
you are a general.
There's a reason 
you're a general,
right?
But he's no games:
I said
give me a general
I don't want to have any --
I don't want
to have a general
that plays games...

Not My People? Tis of Thee!
Your governor has been - 
who I didn't know
I heard very good
things about him.
He's not even from my party
and he started out right
at the beginning
appreciating what we did.
And he was
tremendously supportive
and he knew the 
level of problem
that you had
at the beginning
before
and the level -- 
what happened...
right from the beginning
this governor
did not play politics.
he didn't
play it at all.
He was saying
it like it was
and he was
giving us
the highest grades.
And I want to
 -- on behalf of our country --
I want to
thank you.

One Shoe Drops
And Mick Mulvaney is here -
right there - and
Mick is in charge
of a thing
called
"budget"

Now, I hate
to tell you
Puerto Rico,
but you've thrown
our budget
a little out of whack
because
we've spent a lot 
of money on
Puerto Rico
And that's fine.
We've saved
a lot of lives.

And The Other Shoe Drops
If you look at the
--every death is a horror.
But
if you look at a
real catastrophe
like Katrina and
you look at the
tremendous
hundreds
and
hundreds
and
hundreds
of people
that died and
you look at what
happened here with really
a storm
that was just
totally overpowering
--nobody
has ever seen 
anything like this.

Gimme the number!
What is your
death count,
as of this moment?
17?

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