My Middle-aged White Lady Perspective: Yes, This IS Who We Are.

I don't really even know where to start trying to describe what I was feeling as I watched the drama that was Wednesday unfold. Here's a sampling of what I remember blurting out while watching the news from various outlets including Fox, CNN, and CSPAN: 

Can someone please tell the Trumps to #STFU? I am SO sick of listening to them... What the actual hell?! What is going on? They're storming the Capitol??  Where are the police? Where the hell are the police? They're letting them walk through? This is insane! Honey - you're not going to believe this - it's a nightmare! Holy cow - this is nuts! I can't believe this! Someone's going to try and blame the Dems for this, I can hear it already. Good lord...!  We know who caused this. Can't wait for them to try and deflect... So much for our moral upper hand, right? This is SURREAL...

There was more, probably - this is what I remember saying, and thinking, and much of it is still rattling around in my head. I was happy that someone jumped on a family chat group that we have open for things both silly and important and reached out - it was good to know that we weren't watching alone here, and that others were on the same sort of emotional rollercoaster I was (my husband doesn't get as invested as I do; he wasn't even watching most of the time).

Anyway, here we are, the official duties of the House and Senate finished, our votes confirmed and "accepted." And now, we deal with the aftermath. 

From my middle-aged white lady perspective, as I posted yesterday on social media, what we saw Wednesday was who we are. Some have disagreed with me, but to me, taken in its totality, Wednesday was in fact who we are.  

We are angry. There are a whole host of reasons why, too numerous to mention. I'd suggest some folks are angry simply because it gives them the opportunity to roar, nor because of any personal impact by anything that's happening, or because of any ideological or ethical reasons - it's just noise, going along with noise. That's the most dangerous kind, right? Our faces are red with anger, and similarly blue.

We are followers. A strong voice, a 'way with words,' someone who 'speaks our language' and down the primrose path we go. A path to salvation (however that's defined in this minute, in this moment, in this time.) We have salvation in spades, and legions of 'preachers' ready, willing, and able to guide us to our salvation of choice, whether it's keeping poor people out of our neighborhoods, or guaranteeing religious freedom for the right religions, or lowering taxes for the folks who can most afford to pay them, or giving free education to people, and free health care, and so on. Some of the salvation is promised by actual preachers (as opposed to people of faith), but much of it comes from false prophets, using love of country as the foundation, saying what we want to hear, whoever we are, whatever our redness or blueness, preaching from pulpits of our televisions, our statehouses, our Capitol, our White House.

We are without irony (1). We riot, we storm the Capitol, to "take back our country" and do so carrying a pole with two flags - the one bearing the name of a man above the Stars and Stripes. We riot, we storm the Capitol, to "defend our constitution" and support those who are literally trying to bypass the Constitution. We protest things being stolen from us by trying to steal the same thing from others. We lash out at perpetrators - those who do exactly what we want them to do, what we encouraged them to do - and then vote the way they want us to. What is wrong with us?

We are without irony (2). We saw protests, and rioting, around the country last summer; in some places it went on for weeks. We have a hard time separating protests from riots, and we have a hard time being consistent in our distaste for either or both: it all depends on the reason, the voice, the message. We will tolerate 'protests' if we agree with the reason, but tolerate them much less if we don't. We will tolerate rioting, argue that it's OK if a few people lost their businesses because it's for the greater good, but we won't tolerate rioting if the 'good' is not great enough in our eyes. We appreciate 'our rights' but the rights of certain others, less so. Rights red and blue. Protests red and blue. Riots red and blue. Irony red and blue.

We are without irony (3). I saw a rant on social media, that we are one country, we have the same color blood, and we need to come together as a country, if not for us, for our children and grandchildren. The poster will not support anything the Democrats stand for.  (Come together, right now... oh, never mind.) Some commented on the rant that they don't care which party is in power as long as their investments do OK.  (Go Country! We're all in it together!  Except the people who aren't in the market.) And the mainstream media and social media are evil (but not their media, and not the people they follow on social media). Look at us, coming together, red white and blue, for our children and their children. My head hurts from the shaking. This conversation happens when we are talking just as it does when they are talking. It happens every single day.

We are reactive. Look at my reactions above. Look at your own reactions to what you saw. Look at the reactions of your friends and family, even the ones who blame Antifa and BLM and fascists and socialists and communists and the deep state pizza gate Satanic pedophile shadow government and the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus. Well, not Santa Claus, because we saved Christmas. We know who did this, we know who was behind it, and dammit, we are right! Watch the news, listen to the words we used: sedition. Insurrection. Storming the Capitol. Attacking our democracy. Stealing the votes. Stealing the country from us. Patriots. Defenders of our democracy. Special people. Strong supporters. They are just angry and afraid of being left behind. We know we are right, and they are wrong. We know that, both sides of 'we' know that, without having to wait an instant. We don't need proof, they don't need proof; we are immediate, and we are right. That we can't tell who the real believers are and who the opportunists are equally doesn't matter, for we are busy reacting. I am we and you are we and we are all together in our weness - aren't we?

Many people with convictions lack courage, or people with courage lack conviction. The speeches. The agony. The angst. The fiery defense of good (throwing out votes, defending the Constitution, defending the American Republic). The fiery condemnation of evil (throwing out votes, defending the Constitution, defending the American Republic.) Strong - dare I say harsh words, for the president and those who would be his replacement, they think (we know better). Promises that there will be swift handling of him (impeach him now! 25th amendment NOW!) and them (sanction; censure; expulsion or similar). Heads will roll! Firings will occur! Resignations will be demanded!

What do we want? Retribution! When do we want it? Immediately after we get the hell out of dodge, go home, and start our memoirs, or start drafting legislation so that nothing like this will ever happen again, or just hide until "it's over."

Promises made, promises not kept. The Senate is in recess until January 19th. The House is recess until after the Inauguration. Shouldn't they have stayed there? Rolled up their sleeves and helped clean up the literal and figurative messes? And even if they get retribution, what's going to happen? Are wounds going to be healed? Will the country wake up the next day thinking everything's OK? Of course not! 

The list of those abandoning the president's ship is long and growing longer; it seems his words are, finally, untenable. All of the offenses against American ideals, against our allies, against human beings, against those shithole countries. All of the angry rhetoric, the disparaging remarks (yes, that includes the racist stuff), the public humiliation, the boycotting of American companies for offending him or damaging his daughter's income, all of the lies, the adulation of dictators, the assaults on the Constitution, on the rights of people who don't agree with him - all of that was fine. 

But Wednesday? That was, finally, "too much."  Or, worse, far worse, "they didn't know he was like this, and boy, if they had, they wouldn't have ever worked for him." They knew. Every single one of them knew. They watched him fire people on Twitter, they know that one so treated found out on television that he had been fired. Did they leave then? Hell no, they didn't. They were the 'we' and the targets of the president were the 'them' and It. All. Was. Fine. And still, they applaud him on the way out the door. 

I know, now, that you're a simpering child and a flaming jerk and un-American and unpresidential, but boy, I'm proud of what we accomplished. And since I'll be out of a job in two weeks anyway, I'll take my leave now, and take credit for that, thank you very much. And I hope you buy my book.

And I'm not just talking about current and former members of the president's cabinet. I'm talking about all of the members of the Republican Party, including party chairmen, and elected officials at all levels who have hitched themselves to his bandwagon, those who have defended him and those who have ignored the worst of him because they could justify it. I'm talking about the ones who want to replace him, the ones who helped fire up the protesters and incite the rioters. Too much? Too little. Too late. Nice try, though.

And now, when they have one last chance to do the right thing - to make the president suck it up, shove his ego in his pocket, pull up his big boy pants, and show the world that we are Americans, that we are bigger than what happened Wednesday, that we are America, and we can do this? 

They, and we, are cheering the president's nonparticipation in the ceremonial transfer of the presidency, for different reasons. They, and we, are accepting the president's final temper tantrum, as we have accepted every single one of them since his inauguration, and before.

Yes. This IS who we are. We are us and them, and those people, and we are right and everyone else is wrong and the only way to move forward is to make sure this never happens again!

How do we do that, when we can't even agree on what 'this' is, this thing from which we need protection? How do we do that, when collectively we look at the exact same thing, and I see a giraffe and you see a zebra and someone else sees a warthog and someone else a flamingo and yet another person sees a poison dart frog? And I know I'm right - it's a damn giraffe. 

Everything we saw and heard on Wednesday, and everything we've heard since then, is exactly who we are. 

Nothing will change unless we agree on that.