August 14, 2018

OrangeVerse XXXV: Drumming up Support

The president came to New York yesterday, to drum up support for two Republicans seeking to hold on to their seats in Congress.

Trump made an appearance at Fort Drum, home of the 10th Mountain Division, to sign an apparently nameless military spending authorization bill and to mispronounce the name of Congresswoman Elise Stefanik, who made a very brief appearance on stage with Trump. Oh wait, it wasn't a nameless bill, it was the John S. McCain National Defense Authorization Act of 2019, according to the White House website. Trump must not have known that, right, because he failed to mention McCain's name?

Vice President Mike Pence flew in to Fort Drum to deliver yet another obsequious introduction for the president. I have no idea how much it cost, but it had to be worth it for a five-minute speech that, pointedly, also did not mention McCain's name, I'm sure.

These two, I swear... Anyway. When the president speaks, poetry leaks. Or something. Excerpts:

So I want to start by saying
At Ease. Just Relax. Do you have seats? 
You can sit down. Come on. Sit.
If you want to stand you can. We'll just get 
one.big.standing.ovation, right?

The National Defense Authorization Act
is the most significant investment
in our military and our warfighters in modern history 
and I am proud
to be a big, big, part of it. 
It was not very hard.
You know, I went to Congress
I said let's do it. We got to do it...
And that's what we did.

Not Even Close
Because we know that to survive 
and having that survival of our freedom
it depends on the might of our military.
And no enemy on earth
can match the strength courage and skill
of the American Army and the
American Armed Forces.
Nobody is even close.
They never will be.

Fur Elise
And I have to tell you about Elise. 
She called me so many times. 
I said, I don't
want to take her call.
She wanted me to be here
I said I won't be able to, we'll
have to change a lot of scheduling.
But that didn't suit her.
She didn't stop. And here I am. Here I am.
Elise, come here. Come here, Elise.

Listen Listen Listen
Listen to this now.
So we've been trying to get money.
They never gave us money
for the military for
years and years and it was depleted.
We got $700B. And next year
already approved we have $716B
to give you the finest
anywhere on Earth. 
Nobody makes them like we do.
And very, very far distant
in this case - jobs are very important in all cases
but in this case, military  might
is more important than even jobs.
But all of this 
equipment is made right here
in the USA and it's the
best equipment on Earth.
Nobody makes it like we do.

Right? Right? Bueller? Anyone?
America is a 
peaceful nation
But if conflict
is forced upon us
we will fight
and we will win
Right General? Right? Right?
Better believe it Generals.
They're the guys.
We're powered by
the unstoppable force
of the United States Army.
Very Special. 

And then he talked about jobs and himself, and jobs, and himself, and himself, and called out by name one of the soldiers and an Army wife who selflessly helps others, and he talked about fake news, and General Patton, and himself, and Space Force! And then he turned his attention back to the soldiers in front of him and thanked them for their service. 

And then he went off to Utica to stump for Claudia Tenney, a name that's much easier to pronounce than Stefanik.

Or John S. McCain. 

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