OrangeVerse XXXV: Drumming up Support

The president came to New York yesterday, to drum up support for two Republicans seeking to hold on to their seats in Congress.

Trump made an appearance at Fort Drum, home of the 10th Mountain Division, to sign an apparently nameless military spending authorization bill and to mispronounce the name of Congresswoman Elise Stefanik, who made a very brief appearance on stage with Trump. Oh wait, it wasn't a nameless bill, it was the John S. McCain National Defense Authorization Act of 2019, according to the White House website. Trump must not have known that, right, because he failed to mention McCain's name?

Vice President Mike Pence flew in to Fort Drum to deliver yet another obsequious introduction for the president. I have no idea how much it cost, but it had to be worth it for a five-minute speech that, pointedly, also did not mention McCain's name, I'm sure.

These two, I swear... Anyway. When the president speaks, poetry leaks. Or something. Excerpts:

Atten-HUT!

So I want to start by saying

At Ease. Just Relax. Do you have seats? 

You can sit down. Come on. Sit.

If you want to stand you can. We'll just get 

one.big.standing.ovation, right?

NDAA

The National Defense Authorization Act

is the most significant investment

in our military and our warfighters in modern history 

and I am proud

to be a big, big, part of it. 

It was not very hard.

You know, I went to Congress

I said let's do it. We got to do it...

And that's what we did.

Not Even Close

Because we know that to survive 

and having that survival of our freedom

it depends on the might of our military.

And no enemy on earth

can match the strength courage and skill

of the American Army and the

American Armed Forces.

Nobody is even close.

They never will be.

Fur Elise

And I have to tell you about Elise. 

She called me so many times. 

I said, I don't

want to take her call.

She wanted me to be here

I said I won't be able to, we'll

have to change a lot of scheduling.

But that didn't suit her.

She didn't stop. And here I am. Here I am.

Elise, come here. Come here, Elise.

Listen Listen Listen

Listen to this now.

So we've been trying to get money.

They never gave us money

for the military for

years and years and it was depleted.

We got $700B. And next year

already approved we have $716B

to give you the finest

planesandshipsandtanksandmissiles

anywhere on Earth. 

Nobody makes them like we do.

And very, very far distant

in this case - jobs are very important in all cases

but in this case, military  might

is more important than even jobs.

But all of this 

equipment is made right here

in the USA and it's the

best equipment on Earth.

Nobody makes it like we do.

Right? Right? Bueller? Anyone?

America is a 

peaceful nation

But if conflict

is forced upon us

we will fight

and we will win

Right General? Right? Right?

Better believe it Generals.

They're the guys.

We're powered by

the unstoppable force

of the United States Army.

Very Special. 

And then he talked about jobs and himself, and jobs, and himself, and himself, and called out by name one of the soldiers and an Army wife who selflessly helps others, and he talked about fake news, and General Patton, and himself, and Space Force! And then he turned his attention back to the soldiers in front of him and thanked them for their service. 

And then he went off to Utica to stump for Claudia Tenney, a name that's much easier to pronounce than Stefanik.

Or John S. McCain.