October 29, 2014

Wondering, on Wednesday (v9)

I'm on of those old fogies who still watches the evening news, both a local version and a national version. And I live in the NY24 congressional district, which puts me smack dab in the Big Pharma demographic from January to the end of August and then in the thick of political campaign ad season, which runs from roughly Labor Day through the first Tuesday in November.

It feels like the local news broadcast has gotten about two or three minutes shorter in the past couple of weeks, as the political ads really ramp up. And then I read that, in one week there were around 4,500 ads tied to the US Senate races in Michigan and Iowa alone -- one ad every two minutes -- and I thank my lucky stars that we don't live where anything like that will ever happen.

We have our share of negative ads here, whether the candidates want to admit it or not, on both sides. And that got me wondering, on Wednesday, what if all of our ads were like that?  I mean, think about it: everywhere we shop, the restaurants where we eat, the cars we drive -- they're all just votes we make, the same as we vote for one politician over another.

What would it look like, if everyone did the same thing as the pols?  Here are a few examples, just for fun:

  • Price Lower says the have the lowest prices, but that's a lie. They lower prices on crap no one even buys, and then the use those numbers to screw up the calculation and make you think all their prices are lower. Plus, their fish smells funny.  Price Lower? They're not good for you, or your wallet. This ad was paid for by the consortium for expensive grocery stores.
  • Mama's Kitchen likes to say they have the best food, the best atmosphere, and they even pretend that Mama, who's now 87 years old and only has one leg, is there doing the cooking every day. Well, Mama's Kitchen is nothing like your mother's kitchen -- it failed their health inspection this year.  I wouldn't let Mama wash the dishes in my restaurant!  Come to Papa, and leave Mama behind. Papa's BarBeCue is responsible for the content of this advertisement. 
  • I'm Mr Green Jeans, and I'm the owner of The Grass is Greener Sod and Turf.  My competitor, The Auld Sod, likes to say that his sod is the best in town.  But we know better. He uses dyes on his sod to make it look greener.  His sod dies if you don't water it for hours each day, but you won't know about that unless you read the really fine print in your contract. He used to be a lawyer in the big city, so he's really good at writing contracts. And he hires undocumented aliens to mow his sod. So remember, on our side of the fence, the grass is always greener.  Paid for by the Grass is Greener Sod and Turf, locally owned and operated since well, forever. No undocumented migrant workers were used in the filming of this ad.
  • FastFill gas? That's not American gas, that's Muslim gas. The gas from their pumps comes straight from terrorist countries, countries that are just here to take our money and bomb our buildings and destroy the American Dream. If you're buying FastFill gas, you're just as bad as they are. Think about that before you put it in your tank and drive it. North American Tar Sands Petroleum Stations Franchising Company is responsible for the content of this advertising. 
So, how long would it take for you to stop doing business with the advertisers, to be completely turned off by them?  How long before you complained to the businesses or organizations behind the ads?  Or would you fall hook line and sinker for the content, without even trying to find out the truth? 

And would television stations even accept ads like that?  I seriously doubt it.

And one more thing I'm wondering tonight: would it be possible to quarantine the word Pelosi?