Future Shock

S Drummond photo

Updated, March 15, 2014

I wrote this post, about the future of personal computers, five years ago this month.  I thought of it earlier this week when I was shoveling snow for almost two hours straight. Even for me, that was a little too much. 

So, in addition to what's below, I'd ask my modern computer to put some kind of force field up around my house as soon as we had six or eight inches of snow on the ground, to keep us from getting any more.  And to open up the force field and let a light dusting fall, when the snow on the ground gets too dirty to enjoy.

And, of course, to have the snow melt at just the right time, before I can't stand it any longer. 
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Based on a recent article in one of my work newsletters, I’m not sure the future is the place for me.

The web site I learned this from is for Chief Information Officers (CIOs) and other technology folks, a group I’ll never be invited to join. I get lots of newsletters at work, but frankly, I’m not at all sure why I subscribed to this one. Considering that My Sweet Baboo’s sister once thought I was so anti-technology that I could have been the Unabomber, I can only surmise it was to become at least semi-literate enough to communicate with our IT guys if I needed to. You know, be educated enough to know the difference between rocket science and a pocket protector, or something like that.

Anyway – when I got to this article in my inbox, I was both fascinated and scared to death. If what they think is true – and everyone knows ‘they’ are trustworthy, well educated and thankfully not in charge of much - the future of personal computing scares me to death.

I’m already fascinated by GPS systems, in part because I think it’s funny (funny weird, not funny ha ha) that Miss GPS thinks the person driving the car, with full view of their surroundings, is not as smart as she is, sitting in somewhere in Bangalore with an outdated road map in her hand. I mean come on, who does she think she is? Ignore her, though, and you can feel her practically cursing you under her breath before she regains control and gets you back on track. I'm not convinced that I like that she can recover so well.

Imagine then that in a decade or less we’ll not only have Miss GPS to help us get around, but our ubiquitous PC could apparently be a ring, a watch or probably a marble. It could have a roll-up keyboard, or an unfolding keyboard, or you could just point your finger at things and ‘compute.' Your computer could be in your eyeglasses, and your data could be in the cloud. That’s a singular cloud, as in ‘the-cloud-of-data-that-will-be-swirling-around-in-unfettered-yet-totally-secure-(honest)-cyberspace’. Not plural clouds, such as the ones that we tend to see more often, looking for a silver lining to surround in darkness.

Or how about a computer that starts as one thing and transforms into another? Visions projected in space, or against a wall, for others to view? Totally wireless connections and holograms, oh my! I think I first experienced holograms on the old Dr Who show. Didn’t get them then and get them even less now, unless I’m shopping for Red Sox or SU merchandise and look for the hologram as proof the item is officially licensed and not a knockoff.

The worst part of the future PCs is that, according to the article, they’ll be much more intuitive, maybe even being able to recognize my friends by name. Dear lord. I'm sure in ten years I'll barely be able to do that myself!

If I were to design my computer of the future, I’d want something very specific; here’s what I’d look for: one that can sense when the litter box needs to be cleaned, and clean it without leaving a mess on the floor. One that knows when my houseplants have some kind of bug, and take care of them before I have to take them all outside and clean them leaf by leaf; and one that can tell me not only who my friends are, but who the folks are I need to steer clear of.

And, it would need to be able to tell me where my glasses are – even when I accidentally lose them in the garden - and not laugh at me when I have one pair on that I’m reading with, another pair on the top of my head, and another pair stuck in the front of my shirt. A computer that can make sure I never set anything on fire in the kitchen unless I expressly try to, that’ll keep me from ever pulling up a plant instead of a weed, and that can remember what I planted and why on earth I thought I’d like it.

It would also have to not only know when a telemarketer is calling, but keep the phone from ringing, remove my number permanently from the great big Rolodex they use, and make them self-destruct five seconds after they call. Last, it would be ideal if it would hang up My Sweet Baboo’s jacket on the coat tree or in the closet instead of on the dining room chair, and do this with a gentle smile.

Oh – and it has to transform into George Clooney every now and then. Preferably when I know where my glasses are.

Am I asking for too much?