December 6, 2015

My Middle-aged White Lady Perspective: Why Not Treat All Laws the Same?

Robbery, assault and battery, the felon and his felony.
Robbery, assault and battery, the felon and his felony.

Criminals will always be criminals, they say.

They will still get guns, the story goes, and so we don't need any gun laws, or better gun laws, or more gun laws, because criminals will always be criminals, they'll get their guns, there's nothing we can do about it, laws only punish the law abiding, do you think people who are contemplating committing a crime even care about the laws or the punishment? They're criminals for heaven's sake. (Or they're mentally ill, or angry, or prompted by rhetoric, or racists, depending on circumstance, ethnicity, and who the victims are, it seems.)

Using that logic, here is one middle-aged white lady's take on some other laws we can get rid of:
  1. Driving while intoxicated, and under-aged drinking, selling alcohol to minors, and the like. The only people who do this are bad people and they'll continue doing it anyway. Because they're criminals. Or teenagers, which is really just the same thing.
  2. Robbery, Assault, and Battery. Yeah, I know, it's a Genesis song (hence the lyrics at the beginning of this post). But in reality, there's no need to have any laws related to this, because people who rob, assault and batter will do it anyway, and what the heck, the rest of us would never do that, because we're good people. Throw in breaking and entering too. These people are criminals, they will not be deterred merely by having laws on the books.
  3. Selling drugs. Another whole category of laws that we don't need. I mean, if people wouldn't buy drugs, they're would be no one selling them, and only bad people buy drugs, right?
  4. Rape, domestic violence, sexual assault. Come on ladies and gentlemen, just relax and give in, and you won't get hurt. You might enjoy it, or whatever the hell else the Republicans have been telling us for years. 
  5. Airbag and seat belt laws. And speed limits. And passing school buses with their red flashers on. Sure, these laws save lives, but only stupid people would ride in or drive a car without wearing their seat belts or without airbags. They deserve their fate. And speeders? They're just asshats, like the people who pass school buses some 50,000 times per day according to folks in New York.
  6. Murder, manslaughter, and the like. 
  7. Laws against pedophilia and other sex crimes against children. Adults will be adults, and they'll always prey on children, and that's just the way it is. Criminals will be criminals. And while we're at it, they should be allowed to live anywhere they please, be janitors in elementary schools and stuff. And that whole teachers-can't-have-sex-with-their-students thing?  Yeah, we don't need those laws either, because you know (wink wink), good for them (nudge nudge), and the kids must think it's awesome, right? All that attention, especially if Mr English Teacher or Ms Math Teacher are the school hotties!
  8. White collar crimes, medical fraud, pyramid schemes, identity theft, and all of those. Listen, the fact that our technology has advanced to the point we can practically pee and poop with our smart phones, that's just the way it is. People keep figuring out ways to get ahead of the technology and steal money, or identities, or medical information and collect billions fraudulently and so on. Well, more power to them for figuring it out and taking advantage, there's certainly no need for laws on this. It sucks, but only criminals and foreign governments do this kind of stuff anyway. Just move on.
  9. Any laws related to abortion, or keeping people alive on machines against their will, or frankly any laws about any other medical procedures, devices, facilities or practitioners. Unnecessary, one and all. I mean, who comes up with this crazy stuff? We would never ask anyone else to go through this to participate in a legal activity, right? Get rid of them.
  10. Laws related to voting. Only cheaters and criminals would try and vote illegally, and we know they're out there but there's no reason to make it harder for any law-abiding citizen to vote, right? No restrictions on polling places, or voting hours, or early voting periods. All voting districts - rich and poor, black and white, predominantly Republican or predominantly Democratic, etc. - would have the same rules: none.  
This isn't rocket science, folks. Heck, if we just got rid of all these laws, and the other ones on the books, we wouldn't need all those cops and judges and Lawyers, Guns and Money. Oh wait, we'll still need the guns and money. 

The cops, judges and lawyers? They can go on public assistance.